|Avoiding Elimination||Don’t feel that you have to reveal every last detail about yourself.|
|Brevity||Your profile should only take a minute or two to read. If your profile contains screens full of text you’ll want to think about slimming it down.|
|Avoid Confusing Jokes||Don’t obsess with trying being funny. You’ll have plenty of time to win them over when you’re communicating. Trying to be funny hurts far more profiles than it helps.|
|Stay Positive||Being negative in your profile can give people the wrong impression of your personality. Remember: your profile is their first impression of you.|
|What You Aren’t Looking For||Don’t list everything you don’t want. Profiles written like drive away contacts. Again, be concerned with the first impression you’re providing.|
|Be Honest||Don’t use pictures that are 5 years old, don’t lie about your appearance or height or whatever. You will meet some of these people and their first thought when they meet you if you do this will be that you lied to them.|
Now that we’ve covered the basics of what you should be keeping in mind as you write, let’s begin looking into a simple way to create your profile.
Step 1: Get Away From Your Computer
The first step is to sit down somewhere quiet and write the ideas I’ll be presenting here down on paper. Trying to create your first dating profile or even trying to get it just right can be an intimidating process. So find a quiet place and grab a pencil and a piece of paper. Also, be prepared to put some time into this. Some people will only spend a few minutes creating their dating profile only to remain dating online for months with a sub-par profile. You should plan on setting aside some time so you can really think your profile through.
Step 2: Thinking About Who You Are and What You Like
Here you’re going to need to think at least 10 words or phrases that describe who you are and some of the things you like. This may be more difficult than it sounds. If you have trouble thinking of things, concentrate on how you’ve spent your time over the last week. What hobbies have you pursued? Have you looked forward to watching particular shows or are you reading any interesting books? If you didn’t have any responsibilities for the next week, how would you spend that time? Take the time to think about these things and write each item down on your piece of paper. You should have at least 10 items here. Don’t stop until you have that many!
As an example, I would write the following items down for myself:
|homebody||my dachshund||video games||reading|
|the Steelers||Counting Crows||Digg.com||Philosophy|
Step 3: Fine-Tune Your Personal List
Look at your list. It’s time to identify the areas that will best reflect who you are and remove the ones that aren’t likely to help you find any dates. Review your list and underline any of the areas that you would like to expand on. I’d recommend at least two or three of the items. Be sure to pick the items that you think are most relevant to who you are and items that you can easily speak about. Next, cross out any of the items that you think won’t help your profile much. Don’t exclude anything that makes up the core of who you are even if you think it wouldn’t help your profile! Right now we’re just getting rid of some of the noise that could potentially clutter your profile (remember: brevity!).
From my list above, what I would end up having would look like the following:
|the Steelers||Counting Crows||Digg.com|
I’ve eliminated video games and computers because they’re both a part of my life but by no means do I need them to be a part of the life of the person I meet. Additionally, neither of these areas is likely to help me have a connection with the women reading my profile. I also remove philosophy, not because it’s a bad thing but because trying to make yourself sound smart or funny in your profile can be a turn-off and I want to avoid even giving the appearance of this.
I’ve decided that I’ll talk about being a homebody (that I prefer staying in over going out) because it is a very large part of who I am. I’ll also talk about my dog and my participation in my church because of the role they have in my life and then I’ll talk about the Counting Crows for a little extra insight into who I am. I’ll also include some about my job as it will provide me a good opening to my profile.
Step 4: Making Your List Into Dating Profile Text
Now I’ll take each of these areas that I’ve identified and I’ll incorporate them into the beginning of my profile by writing out a rough draft. Here’s what I would end up with:
Hello! My name is Brad and I’m a software developer in the Pittsburgh area. I work on an application that uses statistics to catch people stealing supplies so it’s a very interesting job. I have a miniature dachshund named Brownie who is a ton of fun. I’m something of a Netflix addict and really enjoy getting comfortable in the evening and watching a movie or catching one of my favorite shows (like The Office or Modern Family!). I’m also very involved at my church and really look forward to getting together with my friends for our small group every week. I am a quiet person and much prefer intimate settings over a loud bar or club…unless I’m going to see something like a Counting Crows concerts (who I’ve seen far more times than is reasonable). Aside from that, I really enjoy reading, blogging, browsing Digg.com, and watching the Steelers.
In this example, I’ve made an effort to expand on each of the important areas I identified in Step 3. Also, you’ll notice I don’t come out and say “I’m a homebody”. I don’t want to introduce anything into my profile that might be negative but at the same time I really do enjoy a quiet evening on the couch with someone I love over being out. Instead of bluntly stating this, I emphasize this fact as I describe myself throughout this section of my profile.
Step 5: What You Bring to a Relationship
The next section of your profile will be where you “sell” yourself. You don’t want to sound like you’re bragging but you do want to make the case for why you’re worth that first date. Just as before, take some time to think and then write down the things that you’ll bring to a relationship that others would like. This section can be significantly shorter than the first but that’s no excuse to not put in time thinking about this! Identify a few areas of strength about yourself and briefly describe them. Below is my list (including the second step of fine-tuning my choices) and then the next section of my profile is created based on this:
I’m very loyal, especially to my friends and those I care about. I value the idea of having standards and standing by your word, even when doing so becomes inconvenient. I believe that I’m emotionally steady and very little gets me upset or angry. I’m also very caring and as a line from one of my favorite movies says, it’s just as important for me to love as it is for me to be loved.
Step 6: Thinking About Qualities You Want in The Person You Date
Just as was done with personal traits/hobbies, you’re going write a list of the most important thing you would like to find in the people you date. This list doesn’t need to be as long as the previous one but be sure to really think about what is important to you. Again, this list will be fine-tuned by identifying which areas are most important to you and which ones can be left out. Below will be the list of qualities I would like already fine-tuned and following that will be my next paragraph of my profile:
The woman I’m looking to date is very caring; she is someone her friends and family refer to as “sweet”. She is intelligent and creative and helps me see the world in a new way. Because of my commitment to my faith, she is either a Christian or open to discussions on faith and learning about mine. If this woman sounds like you, feel free to contact me.
Here I eliminated the qualities that I thought might be misunderstood or, if I’m honest, the ones I had trouble deciding how to describe it.
As I mentioned at the beginning of this article I think it is best if you personally write your profile so that it most accurately reflects who you are. My hope is that this process will help those with dating profile writer’s block without taking away from the personal feel of their profile.